My observation also is that waitstaff in Paris restaurants are far busier than waitstaff at American restaurants. It may just be that they are overwhelmingly busy, not that they are trying to be rude. At our favorite Parisian breakfast place, I note that the waitresses are acting as hosts, busing the tables, taking the order, bringing the food and also acting as cashier. Be polite and respectful and stay out of the way - good rules for restaurants everywhere.

Posted By CliffK on September 21, 2009, 4:26 PM

I absolutely adore and love Paris and all it is. Having traveled there so much, I find that wherever I am, the people are wonderful, friendly and whatever you want is fine. They encourage us to try different things and usually the choices are great. I am of Italian-British descent raised in America. When I visit Europe I see Americans behaving badly - loud and drunk, disturbing other diners and staff - disrespectful to staff in hotels, pigs at the buffet - the list goes on and on - I am embarrassed by the Americans of today when they act in such ways. I have found, wherever I travel, the way I act towards others is the way in which I am treated. Before I traveled, co-workers in America always ragged on the Parisennes - on my first trip I was pleasantly surprised to find they treated me grand. I am sorry that Americans need to always find fault and criticize everyone and everybody, and quite frankly I am disgusted by their actions even in American restaurants with their unruly children and their pig-outs leaving behind their carnage all over the floors, tables and seats. So don't go to Europe if you can't be respectful of their cultures because it sets the stage for the Americans who do wish to do so.

Posted By deleon on September 21, 2009, 8:01 PM

Once we tried tipping the waiter a 20 euro spot BEFORE the meal was served. We were treated like kings and queens.

Posted By Steve on September 21, 2009, 10:14 PM

I agree with Deleon. In 1998, before my first trip to Paris, I was asked by many people why I would choose to go there where the people were unfriendly and rude and it was so dirty. I found the contrary to be true. It seemed no dirtier than any other large city and the people treated me with charm, warmth and helpfulness, as I hope I treated them. I have returned 5 times since and have never been disappointed. I have many stories to tell of their kindness and I am no where near fluent in French; I do try though. I think that it was Gertrude Stein who said (probably a paraphrase) "The United States is my country, but Paris is my hometown." I concur.

Posted By Judy on September 21, 2009, 11:51 PM

@deleon Please. During my travels in Europe, Asia, and all throughout the U.S., I've encountered plenty of rude, ignorant people of ALL nationalities (including Brits, Italians, and Americans) but would never use a blanket statement to disrespect all people of one nationality, like you did with Americans. SO obnoxious.

Posted By kim on September 22, 2009, 11:56 AM

i am an american living in paris for a few years now and can say with full confidence that this article is absolutely bull.

waitstaff in paris can be considered rude by american standards, where servers are required to ask every 5 minutes if everthing is okay. whereas in paris, you can sit for 2 hours with a bowl of soup and nobody will bother you to order more. that is to say, they don't pester you because they figure you know better than they about when you need something else.

also, france is not some peculiar place where this guide's rigid rules apply. you can sit in any restaurant (fancy, shmancy ones excluded) - man or woman - and order as much or as little as you want. nobody will bat an eye. and you can always, always sub the salad for fries.

Posted By american in paris on September 23, 2009, 5:04 AM

I am an American and i much prefer the wait-style of Parisians. No, your waiter is not a terrible waiter. In fact this is his profession much like a teacher or dentist in the states. One glance and he will pop over, but if you want to be left alone for hours, no problem. That's what i call service!

In STARK contrast, American waiters must be the worst. They hurry you through the meal, lay down the check before your plates are even done AND my very pet peeve.... they take away your mate's plate before yours so you look like the fatty girl still eating! So terrible.

Not to mention, the portion sizes are almost disgusting and the food is mostly lackluster.

One thing i realized after leaving Paris. The French have a right to be snobby.. they have one of the most beautiful cities, culture, food, languages, style and art in the world. They are the keepers of culture and if they weren't so snobby, then perhaps your croissant wouldn't be so perfectly buttery & flaky, perhaps the gardens wouldn't bloom just so, perhaps Monet's waterlilies wouldn't be so sublime.

Posted By Lala on September 23, 2009, 8:28 PM

I made the enormous mistake of asking to take my child's leftovers home and got a loooooooooonnnnng speech, after some hand-wringing and double-checking by the server - basically a scolding for my having done something so uncouth as ask for doggy bag. Er...sorry...just trying not to be wasteful...CLEARLY A MAJOR MORTAL SIN OVER THERE!

Posted By SundaysInParis on September 23, 2009, 8:30 PM

Oh and another tip for Americans visiting Paris restaurants:

Its really all about eye-contact with the waiters. Eye-contact across a busy restaurant is basically a request for them to come over. If you never look at them they will not "bother" you until you do so.

Posted By Lala on September 23, 2009, 8:32 PM

If I may generalize, I would say waitstaff are VERY friendly throughout the city's arrondissements, EXCEPT when dining in the shadow of the major tourist attractions. The only time I have encountered rude waiters was dining on the Champps de Elysses where the place was all about throughput. But get out into the neighborhoods, be nice, try some French (they'll probably reply to you in English, even if you think you nailed the pronunciation!), and you're golden.

Posted By michael from minnesota on September 24, 2009, 10:32 AM

In the past 38 years I have been to Paris more than 50 times, and in all those years I have never been treated rudely by anyone, waiters included. While I can get by in French, while traveling I try to follow one rule: Be polite, and learn at least the "first encounter" greeting in someone else's language. In France it's "Bonjour, c'est va?"; in Germany Guten tag. For the most part in the US, we have abandoned even this social nicety. Like Judy, I have astounding stories to tell about the kindness of Pariseans, but my favorite is the elderly lady who spoke not a word of english, realized we were on the wrong train to the airport, coaxed us off, took us to the train board, showed us the train we should be on, and pointed out the track. We made our flight thanks to her. Paris is by far my favorite city in the world - for its beauty, its food, its ever/never changing streetscape, but most especially, for the friendliness of the people.

Posted By Rob on September 24, 2009, 10:45 AM

I, too, was guided in the underground train system in Paris by an elderly woman who spoke not a word of English, as I was looking very confused. She was charming and appreciated my attempt at her language. I found ALL French persons to be extremely friendly, and while driving throughout the country was amazed that there was not ONE piece of litter anywhere, unlike other counties, including the USA I can't wait to go back over there this year.

Posted By Susan O on September 24, 2009, 11:08 AM

I have been to Paris twice, both times I was treated very well. The first was my honeymoon, and everyone we saw must have known because they treated us like kings. The second time I had a very well behaved 8 year old. I think it was because she was so well behaved that again we were treated so well, everyone loved my daughter. Now that I am retired, I can not wait to go back to Paris.

Posted By Terry on September 24, 2009, 11:51 AM

I've never been to Europe, let alone Paris, but a few years ago my wife was in Paris for a business trip. While there, she and one of her associates were able to take the train to Caen to visit the Normandy beaches and the WWII museum and American cemetery. Upon arriving at the train station, they went to the Information counter to ask how to get to the museum. Neither of them spoke a word of French, so the "lady" behind the counter turned her back and refused to speak to them at all. Shouldn't that be the job of the person behind the information counter, especially in an area frequented by tourists? Had I been that person's boss, I would have terminated her immediately, regardless of what country we were in.

My wife and her friend then went outside, where they were trying to use a map and signs to figure it out, when they were approached by a young Frenchman, who spoke little English, but who not only helped them, but actually took them on the bus and went with them to the point where they had to transfer to another, so they were able to arrive at their destination.

Later, when they took a guided tour to the beaches and the American cemetery, the young lady who was their guide, (and whose grandparents were farmers in the Normandy area before and during WWII) was very respectful and appreciative of Americans for the liberation of her homeland, and her ancestors, from the Nazis.

The gist of this narrative is, of course, there are plenty of rude French, just as there are plenty of rude Americans. Don't paint everyone with the same brush.

Posted By John G on September 24, 2009, 1:08 PM

Thank you all for your comments. I will be visiting Paris for the first time in a few months and will remember your advise.

Posted By caribbean_queen on September 24, 2009, 1:41 PM

several comments about nice little old ladies that spoke no english reminded me of the time my wife and I got off at a subway stop without ticket service and needed a ticket to get back on. a nice little lady gave us two and smiled as she went her way.

now I feel better, i gave the little lady her due !!!!

Posted By jim stretch on September 24, 2009, 2:20 PM

Mind your cell phone manners. Since I personally detest the use of cell phones in restaurants, I was so pleasantly surprised to see how Parisians use theirs. If a Parisian uses his phone at the dining table (and it's not that common)they do so in such a discreet manner that other diners are not even aware of it. The phone is cradled close to the face and the voice is lowered....not raised as people do here in America. And I never heard a phone ring or worse, play song. The only obnoxious cell phone use I witnessed in Paris was by Americans.

Posted By Donna Cognac on September 24, 2009, 2:35 PM

I'm planning a trip to Paris next spring and wondered what to do in a restaurant when inquiring about ingredients in the dishes due to food allergies. Thanks for any information, advise and ect...

Posted By Marjorie L on September 24, 2009, 3:12 PM

For what it's worth, my friend, a native Frenchman, visited the east coast of the U.S. with his family this summer for the first time. His observation? Retail and restaurant employees in our country are much more friendly, polite and willing to take care of the customer's needs than in Paris, his hometown. While I agree that some Americans have plenty to learn about proper public behavior while overseas, I have personally been treated quite badly by both French waiters and restaurant owners. It is important to remember that the French just go about things differently than Americans, so you have to go with the flow. I sure would like to know how to get a check when the waiters ignore you!

Posted By Lisa Brooks on September 24, 2009, 3:51 PM

The French I learned in school (in English-speaking Canada) turned out to be very useful in Paris. Not only was what I learned closer to Parisian French than to French-Canadian, but it seemed that just trying to speak their language changed the interaction. I was usually treated with respect and helped, if I started the conversation in French. Usually their English was better than my French, so they often chose to speak English, for which I was grateful.

The other rule I learned is that when entering a small shop, always greet the owner/clerk: "Bonjour, Madame" or "Bonjour, Monsieur".

Posted By Mike Dresel on September 24, 2009, 3:58 PM

Gentleman,
As a former belgian military I did travel a lot and living next to France I have the easiness to travel there a lot.But I want to emphasize if the waiters are DO SURPRISE them by being as rude as they are.This has always worked for me although being polite is part of my education,never forget that you are the person who makes thei living possible.
A

Posted By dehaene on September 24, 2009, 4:04 PM

My French is awful, and I know some basics--but I have to say in my Travels, not only to Paris but throughout France, I've encountered one rude waiter. Actually, I wouldn't even say he was rude--he was just one of those miserable people you will find anywhere in the world. That said, my experiences in restaurants in Paris and the rest of the Country have been wonderful. The waitstaff always so helpful and entertained by my bad French--but charmed, I'm sure! The French don't eat--they DINE--and that is how you should go into a French restaurant. Personally, I do not want any waiter to come up to me every five minutes to see if all is fine. The French waitstaffs have it down to a science. Perhaps we Americans can learn a thing or two about the French art of dining!

Posted By Catherine on September 24, 2009, 4:10 PM

About food allergies in any country: Have someone who is fluent in the country's language write down on paper the specific foods that you are allergic to. When in a restaurant, show the waiter before ordering. If you don't know someone who knows the language, use internet translation sites. We did this for a friend who's allergic to shell-fish while in Italy. Worked great.

Posted By Kelley on September 24, 2009, 4:14 PM

As with John G.'s wife we encountered a very rude man at the ticket window at the train station. Thankfully, that was the only rude person we encountered on both of our trips to Paris. Since it had been many years since my French I & II classes I didn't remember very much of the language but everyone else was very helpful and friendly.

Posted By June L. on September 24, 2009, 4:27 PM

I have been to Paris 3 times and France four times and like so many of the other posters have never had a native be anything other than gracious. The French are justifiably proud of their country and culture, and if you, as a visitor to their country, show that you appreciate the opportunity to experience it, you will be treated politely. Remember to always tell people in shops, etc. bonjour and au revoir and you'll be pleased with how friendly people will be.

Posted By Linda J on September 24, 2009, 4:41 PM

I went to Paris in the 80's when I was in high school. Everywhere I had used the restroom required payment afterward. So I went into a public restroom in a small shopping center and headed directly for the cubicle. I only knew a few words of French--we were with a guide. I said bonjour and went toward the cubicales.

The old woman at the table started shouting at me and literally dragged me out of the cubicle WITH MY PANTS DOWN (they didn't lock and one of my friends was standing guard). IN FRONT OF GOD AND EVERYBODY IN THE MALL--male and female. She continued screaming at me in French--a local man who was fluent in English explained to the woman that I thought you paid afterward. With her, you paid beforehand. Needless to say, I did not use the restroom till I got back to the hotel. None of us used public restrooms for the remainder of the trip.

Now, this may sound trivial to many people who love Paris and think it is greatest place on Earth and that this was an isolated incident, and I'm sure it was.

Now, I thought Paris was dirty. Most of the people were indeed rude to us though we were not causing trouble or acting in a disrespectable manner. Our chaperones stayed with us at all times--we couldn't act up even if we'd wanted to.

A taxi driver cheated several of us on the way back from the Lido (the chaperones couldn't fit in the car obviously). He threatened if we didn't pay him after we called him out on it. Some guy with a knife came toward us near Sacre Couer (or however you spell it) shouting at us. Chaperones took care of that.

Oh, and you had to watch for restaurants serving horsemeat. That was just way too much for me to handle.

So would you go back to Paris if all that had happened to you? Yes bad things can happen anywhere but my experience was enough to stick with me all these years.

Posted By Kim on September 24, 2009, 4:58 PM

Eat at one of the Flunch cafeteria-style restaraunts throughout France. No waiters to offend. Good food, all-you-can-eat vegitables, inexpensive. A meal costs less at a Flunch than a super-sized meal deal at a "Big M" steakhouse.

Posted By Rick on September 24, 2009, 5:10 PM

I've been to France twice. I encountered a couple of rude people visiting Normandy and its WWII historic sites during my second trip. At one little cafe we went inside for a bite to eat but used the bathrooms first. As we were standing near the front of the restaurant trying to figure out if we wait to be seated or seat ourselves, a waitress began screaming at us in french about how we used their bathrooms and now we needed to buy something. I was so offended that I told her we were going to eat here but because of her we were leaving. I've never encountered anyone screaming at me in all of my other travels. My first trip to Normandy was quite pleasant.

I found the French people to be quite pleasant and friendly. I think some of the cultural differences can be mistaken for rudeness. I can speak some French and I could tell my effort was appreciated. At one restaurant in the countryside, I was the only person in our group of 10 who could speak any French and the waiter had limited English. The waiter continuously looked to me to help understand and it was a nice experience. I also found that there were plenty of young French people who liked to practice their english with us or would help me with my french.

Posted By Jennifer on September 24, 2009, 5:16 PM

I have had only one experience in Paris 20+ years ago. Not a restaurant but a store. We tried asking for bread and cheese to eat in the park and were laughed at with very rude body language. We felt that we were doing the right thing by at least attempting the language, but this was not appreciated by the nasty shop people.I will be returning next May and hope to be treated better this time.

Posted By Maureen on September 24, 2009, 5:27 PM

I've been to Paris many times and had great dining experiences and horrid ones. One night two French couples were drunk and loud and spilled champagne all over my friend. That was at an expensive restaurant, Voltaire. I've been with three French women and not been served in a timely manner because we were women. Men got immediate service. However, most of the time the waiters were friendly and polite now. In the 1960s and '70s that wasn't usually true.

Posted By Kathy on September 24, 2009, 5:58 PM

Our daughter lives and works in Paris and we visit often and like many on this posting love it dearly. We have never, I repeat NEVER, had a bad experience in the city or the countryside...the myth of the ugly French is unfounded and often actually more a comment on the person making the accusation...that is, the negative behavior experienced is a reflection of the accuser's behavior. France is no different than this country, it has its share of jerks just as we do...so far, after 30 years of regular visits we have yet to encounter the French version...by the way, I am not very conversant in French and still manage to have consistently positive interactions.

Posted By Gary on September 24, 2009, 6:20 PM

My husband and I visited France last month. We were in Burgundy for 3 days and Paris for 4 days. Everyone we encountered in Burgundy was extremely friendly, but in Paris, we had several unpleasant interactions with people in restaurants or patisseries. At one patisserie, we bought several pastries and coffee to take away, but when we asked to use their WC, we were told absolutely not. At an empty casual restaurant near Moulin Rouge, my husband grabbed a napkin from the adjacent table to dry his hands, and the restaurant owner ran over and literally screamed at him not to do that. At a slightly nicer restaurant in the Latin Quarter, our waiter would not allow us to order a free carafe of water, but told us that if we wanted water, we had to order a $7 bottle. No thanks. The restaurant in our hotel wouldn't allow us to order just two glasses of wine - odd, considering we were willing to pay them money for the wine but we were laughed at by a waiter who told us no food, no wine. Finally, in a restaurant in Auxerre (our one negative Burgundy experience), we ordered our food (pretty simple pizza and a salad) before the people at the 4 tables next to us did, but oddly, their food came out before even our appetizers did. They had ordered beef, which I imagine requires cooking to be edible, and we did not even get our appetizer. They were French. We are American. We walked away and ordered takeout pizza and brought it back to our hotel room.

So I hate to say it, but our experiences with French restaurants were overall pretty bad. Our favorite restaurant in Paris ended up being a super casual falafel stand in the Latin Quarter named Maoz.

Posted By Kate on September 24, 2009, 6:47 PM

I love how many people on these boards love to say "America this, America that.." America is a really big place with people from everywhere. Generalizing Americans is about as dumb as generalizing the rest of the world. Grow up people. Stop acting like superior snobs. In the US restaurants don't do things this way or that. There are thousands of places with varying levels of service. I've been to some incredible American places and some marginal French ones and vice versa. Let stop painting a huge country like America with such broad, snobby (and ignorant) brushes. Calling all Americans pigs or saying that Americans have the most obnoxious cell phone manners is just plain ignorant. Every been to Korea? Ever been around Chinese tourists? What about drunk Brits? Or Greek men at a club, or Algerians? Every culture and country has its share of fools -- there isn't an American hegemony in that department. Snobbery against Americans is just cliche and ignorant.

Posted By Brian Dear on September 24, 2009, 9:27 PM

French, Japanese, Mexicans, Canadians, Americans, and other nationalities all have one thing in common, they have their share of nice people and their share of very rude people. We had been eating only at local places in France when we on a hot day we stopped at a McDonalds for a cold drink. The full ice machine was in full view and the person in the next line must have had the same thought because they asked for ice in their drink, using French and in a polite way. They got chewed out for their rudeness and lack of taste. We decided to order the tdrink without ice but then I asked politely for a cup of ice extra and was willing to pay for it. The nice server gave us the cup of ice on the side, no charge. Just don't put it in your drink until you get outside, we were told, the manager doesn't like foreigners because he thinks they polute French culture.

Posted By GPP on September 24, 2009, 10:37 PM

I was in Paris for a day trip during a study abroad trip in London. Our train was leaving for London later at night and we couldn't find anywhere to get a quick meal before we boarded (no time for a restaurant). We actually ended up eating at McDonalds (I know, but it was all we could find that was open and fit our timeline of about 2 minutes). Problem was I am a vegetarian and didn't really want to just eat fries having hiked through Paris all day. In very broken French I told the cashier I was a vegetarian-- she understand in her broken English and they went to the trouble to make a special sandwich for me. I think they put every vegetable they had on a bun. Anyway, point is all you have to do is be polite and unassuming (as you should be anywhere) and people are happy to help you out!

Posted By TBA on September 24, 2009, 11:16 PM

There is scope to write a book about the cultural differences between America and Europe - and more particularly between France and the peoples of America and the United Kingdom. Going to France can be an interesting minefield.
Firstly, the French have an intricate set of courtesies that are very important to them. For example, if a Frenchman goes into a shop or a bar, or wherever, he will naturally greet the people who are already there. Sometimes, in a bar, you even shake hands with everyone.
Foreigners who go in and say nothing, and just ask for what they want, unintentionally give an impression of boorishness and can be in return treated abruptly.
The French are generally very kind and likeable people, but if you are from England the sad fact is that for several centuries we were often at war with them. Napoleon is revered even now - and we managed to depose him.
There was also a certain shame in France for a long time over the fact that the country fell to nazi Germany and then had to be freed by an Allied invasion. However we don't seem any more to be resented for this, which used to be the case in Paris (though in much of northern France there was always great affection for the former Allies).
If the French do have a fault it is probably that they can be rather formal, while not realising that people from other countries can think differently and do things differently. They will see your bluff Anglo-Saxon approach as clumsy and insulting - and insult you back.
Parisiens can also be awful language snobs: if you mangle French, they may either correct you or pretend not to understand. You can't do much about this I guess - except try to keep your sense of humour.
And if you do conclude that Parisiens are difficult, arrogant and generally a pain - be consoled in the fact that this is a view you will share with most French people who live outside the capital city.

Posted By ian chandler on September 24, 2009, 11:40 PM

How amazing that such a trifle can unleash such impassioned verbosity. The French, whatever we may think of them, seem to leave no one indifferent.
I’ve been living in France for 15 years. Admittedly, at the beginning, I joked that France would be paradise…without the French. Since, I have come to understand the absurdity of such an idea. I even married a Parisienne. As an admirer of Tocqueville, my aspiration is to foster mutual understanding between peoples, beginning with those I know best. To this end, I am creating a community of travellers keen on experiencing the real Paris of real Parisians. This is the idea behind the website PariSharing. Maybe some of you would like to join me in this adventure.

Oh, by the way, I do in fact occasionally order two starters instead of a main course...but it took me many years before I became so daring !

Posted By Carsten Sprotte on September 25, 2009, 2:03 AM

One time in Paris wanting to save some money I took my rather large suitcase on the RER and metro to ride from the airport to the hotel instead of a taxi.

When I arrived at my metro station in Saint-Germain-des-Pres, a young school boy (a child) in short pants took my suitcase and carried it all the way down the platform, up the stairs and settled it down on the street. What wonderful parents this boy must have to teach him such fine manners so young.

Also, in a Paris train station, I dropped a guidebook with my tickets in it when I got up from a bench and wheeled my suitcase toward the track for my train. A wonderful American woman with a heavy southern accent chased after me halfway across the terminal even going down an escalator to return it to me.

There are wonderful people everywhere if you focus on them and not judge a country by the few people you had trouble with.

Posted By Donna on September 25, 2009, 2:58 AM

Great article. To the mom who asked for a doggie bag - the first bit of advice I was given as a 17 year old on my first trip to Italy was do NOT ask for a doggie bag! You should have no problem asking for one of the Italian restaurants in Ireland.

My own personal experiences dining in both France and Italy seem to be influenced by my less than perfect French and Italian accents. The wait staff in both countries have asked am I sure when I have ordered the leg of lamb or veal. I may be very challenged in using the correct inflections, but I can read both French and Italian menus...and yes I am well aware of what I am ordering.

The French are more formal in their manners, but try not to be too put off. Two of the kindest girls I have met in my various travels have been French from different regions. Both made a point of telling me to contact them if I ever visit where they live.

Posted By Chelle on September 25, 2009, 10:02 AM

To all those who had bad experiences in France many years ago - well, me too. I began to truly dread visiting that country (art history school trips almost always included a stop there). But then a spur of the moment trip a year ago changed my mind. I found the French to be polite, friendly and even welcoming. Imagine my surprise. There most certainly has been a change of attitude - so give it a second chance. I promise it is much different than in the 80's!!!

Posted By Ann on September 25, 2009, 10:57 AM

Wow! Tons of comments here. If you've made it this far - congratulations....or should I say felicitations! As others have said, every country has it's share of rude jerks. I lived in Paris for six months while a student and have returned twice since. For the most part, as others have said, if you are polite and unassuming, you will be met with the same behavior in return. But you MUST remember there are certain cultural differences that should be observed to have the best experience. The most important one I think for Americans, Brits, Canadians, etc. is that the French put great stock in being politely greeted before any other transaction or question takes place. Whether it's upon entering a store, walking up to a counter or ticket booth, or approaching someone on the street it is considered very rude if you do NOT say, "Bonjour Monsieur", or "Bonjour Madame". Just "Bonjour" is not enough. It still may be considered a bit abrupt. And conversely, upon leaving you must say, "Merci Madame or Monsieur and au revoir" If someone turned their back on you at an information center it may have been because you did not observe this important cultural niceity. If you did and they still turned their back, then yes, they were extremely rude. But if you didn't start with the proper, polite and culturally exceptable greeting.....then YOU were actually being the rude one first. Our culture is very efficent and results oriented and we tend to "get to the point" very quickly and have forgotten about social niceites. The French culture (and many other European ones) still observe certain and sometimes strict social guidelines for polite public behavior. Personally, I think it's quite lovely. But if you are unaware of the "rules" you could get chewed out or snubbed for something considered rude that you didn't even realize that you've done.

Posted By Victoria on September 25, 2009, 2:02 PM

I found Paris to be quite beautiful but had a few rude situations during my 1 vacation there. We ran across rude waiters, old ladies who cut in line at a museum and worst of all a sales clerk who said in French to her friend "She thinks she looks good in that?!" thinking I didn't understand. We also met some nice people, but overall we met more rude ones. I would go back again - but wouldn't expect better service.

On a side note - What is it with the GOBS of MAYONAISE they serve on sandwiches?

Posted By Helen S on September 25, 2009, 3:35 PM

I've never had trouble with excessive rudeness when I travel, but then again I also make sure I'm on my most polite, formal behavior. As we tell any children we're out with, we need to use our 'church' behavior in restaurants (speak quietly, be courteous and polite, etc.).

I've occasionally come across the odd server or cashier that obviously feels their job is beneath them and everyone expecting them to actually DO something should be banished, but that is pretty rare and if they are really bad, well you can always ask for a manager or just not leave any tip. The tip is to 'thank' them for better than minimum service after all, if they don't provide, then neither should you (or leave such a small amount they can't miss your displeasure).

To Kate, reading through your Paris troubles: Just about everywhere you will find that city & countryside behaviors/attitudes are completely different. I certainly don't anticipate the same behavior in a major metropolitan city compared to a more rural setting. I don't even anticipate the same behavior from a mid-size or more regional city than a major internationally diverse city. People in major cities often have some disdain for visiting uncultured 'rubes' who don't know the unspoken behavioral 'rules' or lingo.

In your first example, you thought the Patisserie should have allowed you to use their WC since you made a take-out purchase. I've found the same negative response in places like New York City where signs are often even posted to inhibit you from even asking to use their restrooms. If you are not a sit-down customer you're considered 'public' and their facilities are not for public use. Any person could come in, make a minor purchase, then dirty up their facilities, which would in turn cost them time & money to clean. Smaller places like that provide the facilities for their sit-down customers because of regulations, but they're not about to throw it open for general use.

Second, "...my husband grabbed a napkin from the adjacent table to dry his hands, and the restaurant owner ran over and literally screamed at him not to do that." I agree that the manager could have avoided the screaming, but then again, it was really rude of your husband to disturb a clean place setting at another table. He should have requested a clean napkin from the waiter, not just helped himself and caused work to be redone at TWO tables.

Third, "our waiter would not allow us to order a free carafe of water, but told us that if we wanted water, we had to order a $7 bottle." 1) Did other people have carafes of water, or were you asking for special privileges?, and 2) are you sure that restaurant even provided 'free' water or did you just expect it because restaurants in the U.S. do?

Fourth, "...a waiter who told us no food, no wine." That may be a licensing issue. They were a restaurant, not a bar. In any case, he shouldn't have laughed, but instead explained to you that they only sold wine with a food purchase.

Last, "...we ordered our food (pretty simple pizza and a salad) before the people at the 4 tables next to us did, but oddly, their food came out before even our appetizers did." I agree that was very poor service, but the reasoning was speculation on your part; it may not have been a nationality issue, but an incompetence issue. I would have questioned the waiter for a legitimate reason for the delay (did your waiter not put in the order before going on break, did they have to make more dough, etc.) If they did not have an acceptable answer, then I would have requested a discount or left (as you did).

Posted By Evelyn on September 25, 2009, 5:36 PM

Evelyn: Great post! You covered it all. People can be behaving rudely without even knowing it.

My first trip to France three years ago included a week in Paris and a week touring the Dordogne. I remember a tiny restaurant in Beynac. Did I saw restaurant? There were only two tables and a half dozen stools at the bar. We did greet the owner as we entered as well as saying a general Bonjour Monsieurs to the others. While we were there, two gentlemen at separate times got up to leave. After bidding farewell to their friends and the owner, they both stopped at our little table wish bid us adieu also. I was totally charmed by this custom.

If you want to see my blog of this visit, here is the link to the page:
http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~cowsert/france/main1.html

Posted By Judy on September 25, 2009, 7:13 PM

I want to thank Victoria for her comments. while i havent been to France yet, I was in Montreal and Quebec and the simple phrases of saying "hello" and "thank you, good day" go a long way. While I tried and butchered what little French I mastered , everyone was extremely polite and their English was way better than my French. My countdown to Paris is 2 to 3 years and I have a lot of listening to my French CDs to go, but I hope to at least try.
PS i also liked the tip -in -advance ploy someone tried. Great idea!

Posted By kerry ritchey on September 25, 2009, 10:57 PM

I lived in the coity of Orléans about 60 miles south of Paris in the 1960's. Being the only American in my neighborhood just off one of the two N-S streets, I shopped for food, etc., among the local shopkeepers. Fortunately I could speak fairly good French and was "adopted" by my boulanger and his family. I helped them with their English and they with my French. I soon became, "Monsieur l'American" and for whatever reason was sort of a local celebrity.

I spent many weekends in Paris where I found the people lovely and accepting. I only had one semi-bad experience while in Paris that was actually rather comical in it's outcome. The US Gov, for whom I worked, paid in dollars which of course required exchanging at a bank or money changer. One moring I went to a local bistro for a couple croissants and coffee only to find that I had dollars in my wallet. The waiter who immediately went off like a rocket, ranting at me about lousy Americans who expected everyone in the world to take their filthy money...and on and on. I was so surprised that I responded in English which just set him off again. Finally he grabbed the rather generous amount of dollars that I laid on the table and stalked off grousing loudly. I finally recovered, got up, and as I walked past the other patrons, said in French. "He will make twice that on the black market exchange!" That broke the tension in the bistro and I got a great applause as I walked out.

Yes, I've had my French corrected by waiters, but always with a smile and a couple times a wink. Waiters in France are professionals and often of the second or third generation of their family that have been at a particular restaurant of bistro.

No one has mentioned that the bill, l'addition in French, has a percentage added automatically as the main tip for the waiter. It is customary to leave something extra on the table however.

Posted By Warren on September 26, 2009, 6:52 PM

I fall in love with Paris and France more every time I go. I have been to most parts of France. I have had acts of kindness from people everywhere I've gone. I must admit, the first time I went to Paris I was wondering if I would encounter any of the rude Parisians I'd heard about for years. NO, I did not. Everyone I encountered was kind & very helpful. I agree that the greetings are a VERY necessary courtesy (with everyone, even the clerk in the grocery store) which I find charming as an American where rudeness is seen so often. I'm not fluent in French, but try very hard to "bone up" each time before I go & I always use the appropriate greetings. If I am struggling with the language, natives will kindly help me. If I'm stuggling to read a map, someone will always stop & assist. I treat people with respect. I respect their customs & culture. I've had some lovely encounters with natives in Paris & other parts of France. If you are courteous & polite you will be fine. I have never had an experience with a rude native of France. That's not to say there aren't rude people there as there are everywhere. I put on my friendly, interested face & people respond to it. I agree with a comment I read that the French are very proud of their country & it's history. So, go and enjoy. Their English IS better than our French.
Marge Sept 27, 2009

Posted By Marge on September 27, 2009, 6:09 PM

Goodness, my husband and I have gone to Paris at least every other year just for our "fix" for at least the past twenty years, and just returned last week. We have traveled all over the world. We have had rude encounters in many places, but far more exciting and wonderful and satisfying encounters.

As we gently age, we notice a welcome difference--more respect, but that is almost everywhere but at home, perhaps because we're just not the right demographic. Just two weeks ago, in London, a young man jumped up from his seat on the tube and offered me his seat; I declined because I was getting off at the next stop, but thanked him by saying, "Tell your mother she did a good job." The English friend who accompanied me told me I should have accepted because as we decline, the young will take that as a signal the offer is no longer welcome.

In Paris, we had a service person in the Metro turn her back on us when we tried to ask a question and buy a ticket as an earlier poster described. But we no sooner turned around than a local offered his help, politely and in English. All we've ever had to do was open our map on a street corner in Paris, and someone offers help.

One suggestion: we spend a lot of time in NYC and enjoy the Le Pain Quotidien restaurants there. Founded in Paris, I think, they are ubiquitous in NYC--check the addresses out on the internet. We could find only four in Paris, but the food quality and offerings are excellent, and costs about the same as in NY. I've never seen them mentioned anywhere because everyone is always looking for that perfect Paris bistro--they abound and there's one on nearly every street corner.

I could turn this into a book because we love Paris for its beauty and its character.

Posted By Nancy on September 28, 2009, 10:29 AM

I will be going to France with a few days in Paris in April/May of 2010. Reading the above has given me some ideas, but I admit to zero knowledge of French. I hope those phrases help, and I will follow the guidelines for greetings. I will not be an Ugly American.

Posted By Judi Hammond on September 28, 2009, 8:27 PM

Read up about Paris before you go, do not be content returning home with lots of pictures of well-known sites alone. Embrace their culture, food and our differences.
I lived there for 2 yrs. when I was based in Paris as a flight attendant. One word of advise...do not just talk to someone without asking first the most important line, "pardon madame or monsieur, parlez anglais?" (excuse me, sir or ma'am, do you speak english?) Remember, a French would never come to America and would outright talks to you in French not because they know we are language illiterate but because they feel they should be the one trying to speak our language here, though only the very basic. Why can we not do the same for them?
By the way, my email address was my old address when I used to live on the 16th arrondisement.

Posted By isdlp on September 29, 2009, 10:25 PM

We just returned to San Francisco from Paris, which we have not visited for around 12 years. I was pleasantly surprised by the friendliness, warmth and helpfulness of the French. Yes, the waiters are exceptionally busy as the restaurants seemed to always be filled and sometimes had a wait, but always received an apology from the waiter. I loved the sights of Paris, the French people and, of course, the scrumptious food. I find that the French take much pride in everything that they do. Lack of speaking French was not a problem. I am looking forward to returning to France.

Posted By Sue Curtis on October 1, 2009, 12:53 PM

Before my trip to Paris last year I tried to learn some basic French via CD's and the BBC website which offers free lessons. I also made an effort to learn the words for foods because I did not want to accidentally order something I might not want to eat (liver, yuck).

I found that as soon as I used my french words the other party usually switched to English. I did find that in Normandy and Brittany I could not depend on the French to understand or speak English. It is after all France!

More than anything I found myself spoiled by the restaurants in France. Now when my main is slapped down before I finish my salad or the bill is slapped down before I've finished, I find it rude and tip accordingly.

Posted By Jean on October 4, 2009, 5:56 PM

We went to Paris at Thanksgiving last year...first time there and first time abroad. We knew basically about 10 words in French, but read as many websites and guidebooks as we could find, trying to become familiar with the city and the customs. We found the French people, waitstaff, and hotel staff to be friendly, and forgiving of our sad French. The only bad experience I had was that I was screamed at in the airport security line, because I didn't know I had a "charger"...which turned out to be my adapter for my curling iron! I got the whole bad treatment...rolling eyes, disgusted look, etc...oh, well! Most of the time we were treated nicely, because we just kind of kept to ourselves, tried to be polite, and "blended in" as best we could.

Posted By Mitzi on October 4, 2009, 11:51 PM

After listening to CDs/tapes to learn basic French, I was off to Paris with a family member and to meet an acquaintance. Everyone was so polite and friendly. I had never attempted to speak French, let alone to a French person, so I was a little afraid to try. To my delight, it was so easy to communiate- they never let on that my French was less than perfect - and it had to be awfully clumsy. I was spoken to in English at times for my comfort.
The manners are more developed there- such as greeting shop keepers etc., it is a habit I brought back with me.
The Paris (CDG)airport personnel were so kind and respectful that I felt like royalty. What a shock to come back to the USA airport in Philly and be yelled at and grumbled at. What other countries must think of us when they arrive! It's an embarrassment.

Posted By Monica on October 8, 2009, 12:11 PM

My husband and I are taking our four adult children & their spouses to Paris in July 2010. We are using money that my husband inherited and miles I earned working the last 5 years. It's the only such trip we will ever be able to take/give to our kids -- and we choose to go to Paris. The history, the architecture, the food, the people in the parks, the street sounds --- the magic of the city --- and most of all, the people make this city so special, so unique. I urge anyone contemplating visiting this great city to go --- with open mind, open heart. Find out the rules and try to abide by them and you cannot help but have a fantastic experience. Enough about waiters!!

Posted By Mary Anne on October 9, 2009, 2:19 AM

Regarding to-go boxes in France--it was put quite plainly to me by a gentleman in Nice. He explained that it was (insert French accent here) Not Fashionable.

'Nuf said.

Posted By Chez Sheila on October 16, 2009, 6:04 PM

This is a very timely subject, as I'm planning to take my wife to Paris for two weeks in the spring for a special birthday.

As regards the three course meal, does this also apply to a bistro which one thinks of as less formal?

Posted By Colin on October 19, 2009, 5:05 PM

First, regarding getting a carafe of water, it has been against the law in France for several years not to serve tap water to anyone. In fact, you can walk in any bar and ask for a glass of water and they must serve you. I've never had any problem, or even a hint of attitude about it in France. However, I have had the request refused in almost every other country I've visited in EU, especially Italy. And, regarding the doggy bag -- other posters are correct, don't expect it in very high end restaurants (or the really high tourist areas), but I have certainly gotten them in plenty of mid-range places, especially Italian restaurants, in France. But don't call them doggy bags, just ask for it to take away (pour emporter).

Posted By Ronda on October 26, 2009, 2:15 PM

I must second Monica's comment (10/08) regarding our airports...particularly Philly...when we lived in a service area that required us to transit to Europe via this god-forsaken place...the return/entry experience was horrible...one time there was a rather young man, standing at the top of the stairs as we were walking to the re-entry hall simply yelling instructions at everyone like some deranged Marine DI. When one now enters France at CDG you simply walk through passport control...no paperwork required...and then luggage...but, still upon returning to the US one has to complete all these forms...and please don't tell me that it is because of 9/11 because it has ALWAYS been this way...and 9 times out of 10 the officials simply collect them...entering the US for international, non-citizens must indeed be a shock...though Charlotte can be a bit more pleasant and surprise, surprise, even Chicago...but Philly hardly deserves the label as a city of any kind of love...

Posted By Gary on October 26, 2009, 6:03 PM

You've all re-awakened my desire to go to Paris again! I've only been there briefly twice before, but loved it, and found - as did others - that you "reap what you sow", so-to-speak. If you are polite and do your best to show them respect, they will for the most part treat you accordingly. Rude people abound everywhere - not just Paris!
Thanks for all the comments........... I've enjoyed reading them all!

Posted By Clairee on October 26, 2009, 8:33 PM

I was in Paris many years ago and I encountered both nasty ppl and nice ones. I struggled with the language but at least made the effort. A man behind a ticket booth mocked my pronunciation of the Louvre (not sure of spelling) but later a young lady helped me navigate the subway. Also, when I went to the market, the vendor was upset that I only wanted to look at the fish and not buy anything. Another grabbed a piece of fruit out of my hand when I chose my own. I will never forget it. I was a student living in Italy at the time and by comparison, the Italians were much friendlier and helpful. But that was a while back...such memories! I have chosen not to return to France. When I choose to speak French, the Moroccans are so much more inviting and better looking. I prefer Morocco hands down.

Posted By sasiren on October 27, 2009, 9:53 PM

for "Kate on September 24, 2009", the no-food no-wine is actually a law in France for "the protection of minors and the prevention of public intoxication" (not often applied but in existing nonetheless and posted in every restaurants and other food-serving establishments). They are not allowed to sell alcohol without food after a certain time.

Posted By Mary on October 28, 2009, 12:31 PM

Sasiren commented "Another [vendor] grabbed a piece of fruit out of my hand when I chose my own". In most European countries, and in many Latin American ones, shop owners do not want customers to touch the produce unless it is a "self-serve" store. I always look around first to see what others are doing.

Posted By Judy C. on October 30, 2009, 5:27 PM

I owned a travel agency in the DC suburbs for more than 15 years. When a client would ask for "somewhere romantic" I often would suggest Paris.

"But the French are so rude, especially the Parisians" was the standard reaction.

My response was, "You don't have to tell me the answer, but if you were downtown on the Mall and someone came up and asked in French where the Air and Space Museum is, what would be your reaction?"

I would continue, "Nine times out of 10 in Paris the person will do all they can to help you, even if it means walking blocks out of their way. If they don't speak English, they'll ask passers-by until they find someone who does."

"You will find rude people everywhere. But going back to my question about the Mall, how do you think our visitors would feel about your reaction?"

That really put travelling to a foreign country in perspective, and belayed a lot of the trepidation.

Posted By Snoops on November 2, 2009, 9:47 AM

At the end of my first trip to Paris a few years ago, I marveled at how I had not come across any of the "rude" French that I had heard so much about. However, while I was waiting at the airport for my flight home, I decided to purchase a croissant. I gave the counter person 20 Euro and when I looked at the change he had given back to me, I noticed right away that he had only given me change for 10 Euro. I saw him look at me with a look that signified to me that it wasn't just a mistake but was purposeful. Usually I would stand up for myself in a situation like this. But I was on such a high from having just spent such a lovely vacation in such a lovely city, that I wasn't going to ruin it at the very end by getting into a screaming match with some airport pastry clerk over something that essentially would have been a "he said, she said" situation. And coupled with the fact that I know very little French, the "she said" part would have been pretty pathetic. So, I just thought to myself "C'est la vie!", turned around and walked away, quite content that it had been my only bad experience in France.

Posted By Jessica on November 2, 2009, 5:28 PM

I have several tales of kindness by strangers while visiting Paris--the elderly woman who guided me by walking to the Galleries de LF department store, strangers at street corners willing to give me directions, a young man in the metro station who took the time to guide me and my daughters to the correct stop, and on and on. Politeness given is as politeness received. Viva la Paris!

Posted By Jeane on November 3, 2009, 11:40 AM

I have been to Paris several times and have had truly wonderful experiences all around...except of course the time that I traveled with 3 friends, all of whom were under the impression that the French are rude. So of course it was on that trip that everything went wrong. On our first evening there, we wanted to find out if we could buy metro cards for a week instead of continually having to buy individual trip cards. I spoke in my broken French to the woman at the counter inside the metro station, who politiely responded in perfect English that there was a week pass and then proceeded to tell me how to purchase it. We were set. Until we came out of the metro a few hours later to be told by "metro police" that we could be arrested for purchasing tickets that were not for tourists. My French was good enough to understand that part, but not the rest so I asked for an explanation in English. The officer told me that our tickets required a "Carte Orange" and that we had essentially stolen from the French by riding the metro without these cards. The officer told us that either we would be arrested or we could each pay 30 euros and they would give us orange cards (they conveniently had 4 to give us)and let us go. And of course we had to pay in cash. Not wanting to go to jail, we paid the fine. The next day we went to the US consulate and filed a complaint, knowing it wouldn't make a difference but we didn't want this to happen to other tourists (plus we were really upset).

If that weren't bad enough, the next day while traveling again via metro not one but TWO men exposed themselves to us in two different metro stations! The first time we were the only people on the platform. As soon as we noticed it, we jumped up and moved (obviously giving the man the attention he craved). As soon as other people walked to the platform, he zipped up and walked away. The second time there were the 4 of us and 3 other women, two of whom were well over 70. This time, a man was trying to literally rub himself on all of us. Then he ran away, presumably to do the same thing to the next group of women entering the station. And these were not obscure metro stops. One was near Luxembourg Gardens!

Needless to say, my friends were not impressed with France, and they have not returned. I was really frustrated because Paris is hands-down my favorite city on earth. I love everything about it - the food, the architecture, the shopping, and the people. They are so kind and willing to help as long as you show a little courtesy. I haven't been to France since 2005, so my upcoming trip for New Year's Eve has me itching to go. I am going with my boyfriend who has never been, and I can't wait to show him the wonders that are Paris. We do have one fancy dinner planned, but otherwise we'll just go to cafes and bars and wander the city and have a great time finding places that can be "ours" for the next trip.

And, by the way, about 6 months after my unfortunate trip to Paris, I got a check in the mail...for 120 euros. Yep, we were refunded what was taken from us. So the 4 of us got together and celebrated with a fancy dinner, of course at a French restaurant back home :)

Posted By JBH on November 3, 2009, 3:00 PM